Dramama

BIG NIGHT OUT 2010!

2009-12-07T18:43:32Z

I moodswing like a fking bitch laa. One minute I'm like all pissed at the world, next minute I'm fking sad, next I'm damn happy.

For the happy part first.. I got myself the Big Night Out 2010 ticket!! And I got one for Hannah as a bday gift! I owe her a lot for everything she's helped me with. And I actually called Azfar to confirm the ticket shit and all so yeahh, surprise turned out well <3 And yes ppl, I do have a heart that still cares! Well, only to the ppl who've been there for me and are nice, genuinely (:

Pissed and sad part.. I don't feel like talking abt it here.

Anyway, some random shit. Sentosa tmr with Hannah and Erica. Need to get my ass up at 730am! So much for staying home laa. Nvm, Erica's all sad too. We can emo together these days, without the drinking. And I'm smoking less. Amazing, I am making the effort.

Brick by boring brick.

2009-12-07T10:09:57Z

Holidaaaay. Had my test, think I can pass. Then went for counselling. She says I'm keeping too much inside. -.-

Anyway, wtf. Erica kissed me. Like using her tongue and all! OMFG. I AM BLOODY STRAIGHT.

I think I'm gonna get my Big Night Out 2010 ticket today. MUSE, SAOSIN, RISE AGAINST. Holy shit. If I get it today, I'll get the $168 ticket. Shd be gg with Hannah.

And and and, I wish he would leave me alone. Fucker still has the audacity to text me and all saying shit like "I'm sorry, I need you." I did feel bad for a sec, like what if he's really in trouble or smth. But, I ain't gonna fall for that shit no more. See Hafeez, I'm listening to you. Haha. I swore right.

Okay, I need to bathe and head out. Got loads of things today man, I should've gotten up earlier.. Sleep somemore laa.

FML.

2009-12-06T15:03:38Z

I've been thinking and I've figured out why I do all those crap. Welcome to loser-ville.

I feel.. empty, inside.

I settle down
A twisted up frown
Disguised as a smile, well
You would have never known

Standing on my own 2 feet, I've been trying. But all I feel like doing is lying in bed, and I have been doing that quite literally. No term tests = 3 weeks of holidays but, wtf do I have to fill up my time?? I feel like I should work but hell, I just get bullied onboard and that'll just make things worse.

I miss secondary school days, when life was easy, no complications. And when he was in my life. But I screwed it up. I screwed it all up.

They say "It doesn't matter how you fall or how many times you do. What matters is how you get up." But I can't get up now. All the hurt, all the betrayal. I'm just exhausted frm having to pick myself up over and over again.

Dramatic. Yeahh well, it's all my own doing so fuck it, I'm dealing with it by bloody lying in bed. I shd get out of the house but I'm broke and I don't feel like talking to anyone abt all this shit in my head. Why trouble another person with your own mistakes. And I know if I go out, I'll just smoke, and get drunk. No, my friends don't influence me. Ironically, I'll be the one asking them to do so.

I tried talking to my friends but they just fucked me up and slapped me like a bloody lot for being in the same state as before. Bruno even fucked me up from New Zealand. Thanks ah ppl. Haha.

Time to change, time to change, time to fucking change.

"Cheap Slut"

2009-12-04T23:31:48Z

First of all, thank you and I sincerely apologise, Hafeez. Eventhough I've done so much to hurt you, you're still there for me.

Funny how I've always thought about how much the ppl ard me have changed but never once did I apply that to myself. Idk what caused the change.. The excitement of being a Poly student, finally turning 18, the breakup, or friends. Maybe it was all. I guess I did realise I was turning into someone I've always condemned but somehow, I chose to ignore it.

Partying, drinking, smoking. It's all fun but when will it stop? I don't want it to be my way of life and yet, it is. Time for a change? I do believe so. I've made so many mistakes in my life, thankfully, Hafeez knocked sense into my head. I was crushed, pissed, hurt even. But aft hearing everything he had to say, it all made sense. Why am I doing this to myself? How long am I gonna be like this?

And trust. Why and how do ppl find it in their hearts to misuse the trust? Countless of ppl have abused mine and I have abused it countless of times. Trust takes a long time and yet, we decide to just shove it up our asses, expecting to be forgiven aft a simple "I'm sorry". The word "sorry" is so overrated. And I honestly don't think I should be forgiven for this mistake.

I have noone to blame for my current situation except myself. What was I thinking? I guess I wasn't. I need to change, to start thinking, and to realise that the ppl I should trust have been there for me all these while.

But I'm lost, crushed, cold, and confused with no guiding light left inside. I need to learn to stand on my own 2 feet now and not depend on others too much. Cause at the end of the day, everyone ends up alone.

I do hope you'll stand by me and be my guiding light, Hafeez. Thank you and I'm sorry.

A

2009-12-03T09:34:24Z

Haven't updated in foreverrrr.

Anyways, am no longer confused. HAHAHA.

So, past few days have been quite fun actually. Finally had my free time. And I got to make new friends. Fun bunch, they might come on Sat too.

Speaking of which, I CAN'T BLOODY WAIT FOR SAT!!! I bet it'll be fun, if not, I'll make it fun!

Hope my wish comes trueeee!

UPDATES.

2009-11-10T16:15:43Z

So, Fri evening, was AWESOME. I was 1 hour late (stupid cab, i swear) but it went good. Which confuses me even more!! We're meeting up again, I hope.

Sat, finished my last SNY, really apprehensive for my solos man.

Sun & Mon, moved to my new house, come visit me ppl, so lonely. HAHA. But a nice place to chill laa. Been swimming every 2 days, time to get fit.

I'm still confused........

amadrama @ 2009-11-06T12:21:00

2009-11-06T04:24:12Z

Saw this on Sherie's FB.

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL sta...res at you she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.
When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ...
Find a someone ..
Who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on her.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the girl who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of her friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much she cares about you and how lucky she is to have you.
Who turns to her friends and says, ' That's him!! '

So, I hope he turns up. HAHA. And like it'll be fun. (:

Love the effect.

2009-10-31T20:50:21Z

Fri night was a mixture. Ended well? Remains to be seen.

Thank you.

2009-10-29T17:10:30Z

It's funny how the ppl you hardly or don't talk to at all in secondary school end up being awesome ppl in your life right now. I really didn't expect them to be there for me, but they were.

All I can say right now is that I'm extremely touched and thankful for them. <3

amadrama @ 2009-10-27T18:47:00

2009-10-27T10:56:30Z

Busy like a bee. Well not really, if I could manage time well. But I can't!

Today started off as a stupid day -.- But it got better, met gf and hung out till 4plus. Bitch ah that guy, I swear! HAHA.

Anyways, I have to complete lotsa shit man, for sch and for flights. Suddenly feel so bloody busy. I should have went home to do everything but noooooo, I just have to procrastinate and go out! As always AMA. Smart girl, very smart!

And I don't have microsoft office on this piece of shit! Whalaaaooo, die laa die.

SYED HAIKAL <3

I know I look fat here but WHATEVER!!! HAHA. This guys is awesome laa, really, been my really close/ best guy friend frm Sec1 to 4, we kinda drifted aft he graduated but hey, friends are always friends (: And I hope he turns up on Fri night! Idiot. Haha.

Ignorance

2009-10-23T15:10:45Z

Well you treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well now I can fend for myself

(:

Hoooohoooooo.

2009-10-20T13:10:21Z

HAHAHAHA, gf is officially using my FB and whatever other accounts I have. Fuck. But it's okay. ^^

Can't wait for weekends....... And my timetable's not out yet laa TMD.

And someone's been in my head. Idk why, but ROOAAAAR. HAHAHA.

Secrets from the world ;)

2009-10-18T18:49:57Z

It was nice talking to my gf this morning, been a long time since I've felt that I could actually count on a guy to be there, more or less. Hahaha. I never expected him to be the one I could count on, let's face it, the other 2 have known me way longer and him, only a few months.

I don't trust ppl or open up so fast but with him, it feels easy to do so. But hell, we have to "hide" this friendship, cause ppl, being humans, are always assuming. Which I don't understand. Must every guy who's close to a girl have feelings for her (vice-versa)? Think what yall want, I can't be bothered anymore.

Here's to those who keep me sane and grounded <3

2009-10-11T14:33:44Z

Hello all, meet my awesome friends, those closest to me right now and knows me best <3

Hannah and Izwan, the 2 who've known me longest and best <3

Hafiz R, the 1 who's made it on this list in the shortest time <3

Hafeez and Fahmi, the 2 who prob hates me now but hell, I'll always treasure them <3

Puke puke puke.

2009-10-04T06:58:13Z

Whalaoo. Fucking sick now.

Anyways, met up with Hannah and girrrrlfriend** last night. Hahah. Had stuff to talk about laa. And yes, eventhough I'm fucking sick, I went down. Thank god for his jacket laa. So yeahh, I think Panadol Flu Max really works. I feel much better now but freaking drowsy. Can't wait for this Thurs and Fri.

**Not actually a girl but a guy. And no not gay. I just can't put his name hereee.

KSBGKBVGROHBQVIBRVGJ

2009-09-29T11:15:21Z

Tmdknnccb. Now when I think of it, I realise, ALL my hols and ALL my weekends will be taken up. Fuck man, I need a freaking break yo. Okay fine, I had one like last Fri night but hell, the amount of things to remember and do, entitles me to another night of break SOON (says me).

I feel like SCREAMING. I need a distraction, I need some fun.

R.

2009-09-27T08:23:51Z

Hahah, fri night/ sat morning was fun and fucking funny. Erica is insane, and I now know what Hannah does!! HAHAHA.

Idk wtf I was doing laa, all high alr. But yeahh, apparently I have a new friend, Arif. Hannah has one too, Azfar and Erica has 2! HAHAHAHA! We owe her sia.

2 more weeks and it'll be another night of fun again!

Sleeeeeep.

2009-09-24T14:46:39Z

Training has been draining. I am EXHAUSTED. But the ppl are awesomeeee.

Now that we don't need to wear formal and heels, I feel motherfucking short next to Zhafir and Fairuz. -.- I HATE feeling short.

Haha. Anywayssss, we should be hanging out tmr. And I'm meeting Hannah!!!! I miss her laaa. ):

New beginnings?

2009-09-22T12:51:39Z

Went for my fam flight today to Manila. It was okay, quite tiring but learnt ALOT. Opened up more too. Thought I was gonna die though, for like a second. Plane encountered some turbulence, pretty bad. Well, to me laa.

Ohh, met the crew too, made a new friend, well, somesort. HAHA.

Overall was really fun! Kay, now I gtg study for marketing. Wish me luck yall.

Batch 22 :D

2009-09-19T09:35:15Z

Training has been okay. Met and gotten to know some pretty great ppl. It's kinda sad when they say we won't get to see each other once we start working, cause hey, it's an awesome Batch (:

So... I got an 'A' for announcement :D Fam flight's on Tues, bad luck, F's on a diff flight but at least there's Z and S laa. Can chit-chat yo. HAHA. Hopefully I can pass SEP. That's the only thing that's worrying me. Ohh, and marketing -.-

All the work has helped me to keep my mind of things but at the end of the day.. I still miss him. Hannah wants to intro me to this guy but like I'm a bit reluctant to start over again. Hafiz R knows why (:

Kay laa, Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin. Have fun you guys :D

Time may heal all wounds but not a broken heart.

2009-09-13T20:18:37Z

Been damn busy. But that's good, keeps my mind off stuff.

Training starts in a few hours man and I still can't sleep. Fuck. Bye.

"I will never ever stop loving you! Even if we break up, you can bet I'll still want you."

MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT.

Broken hearts come from falling in love.

2009-09-07T07:10:30Z

Hafeez was right, good things don't last. And for me, the good things have come to an end.

First was losing Hafeez, now I'm losing him again along with Hafiz R. and Fahmi. As much as it saddens me and is fucking hard, it's something I have to do. I complicate things. I love you guys and thank you for everything but it's time I take a step back.

Typing this was hard enough, I dread to think how bad it's gonna get. I'm strong (: I hope.

Say hello to moving on, and prob emo posts. I'll try not to. Let's shed this "decent" image of me (according to some). And yes, I'll try to do it in the most decent way possible. No promises. When a heart breaks, sensibility goes with it.

I thought losing one was hard enough, now I have to lose 3, 1 all over again.

Forever Is.. By Samantha Jo Hackney

Forever is believing
Believing is trusting
Trusting is loving
Loving is heartbreak
Heartbreak is sadness
Sadness is forever

:D

2009-09-05T05:02:14Z

I am officially employed :D

Hopefully, it will make my life more interesting and not as boring. Hahah. But, I have to go for sheesha before I start man, srsly. Cause aft that, I'll be busy busy busy. Which reminds me, I need to renew my passport and go for medical. Damn.

My dear, dear friend ;)

2009-09-02T11:05:56Z

You never fail to make me smile, and you know it (: Thank you.

It would be nice to fall for you. But I know I can't, so I won't (:

Anyway, Anberlin was awesome! And life's been okay. Someone's been a real angel, a very dear friend indeed (:

Shocker.

2009-08-12T19:52:17Z

Today my marketing tutor said to me..

"You are a good student but you're too reserved. You're afraid of letting ppl know you."

True that.